I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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