I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I supernannyed him into submission
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
