Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
