4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
