I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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