im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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