my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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