Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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