The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
