Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
