Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
