are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
