I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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