So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
