did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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