i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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