I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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