when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
