ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
