The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
