I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
