I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
