one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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