I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
