Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
