38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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