Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
