the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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