Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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