Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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