please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
