ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
