Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
