My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
