I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
