what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Houston, we have a squirter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
