just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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