i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
