thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize