Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
