So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
