I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
