If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
