no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
