what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
