The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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