He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
