I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
