"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize