i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
