We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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