addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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