highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
