How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
