my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
