If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize