I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
