how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
