Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
