oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
