i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
