Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
