i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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