At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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