just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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