I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
