why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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