This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
