Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
