I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
