you didnt know i had herpes?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
