hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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