Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
