C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
