I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize