My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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