You can't motorboat a personality
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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