My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize