who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
