i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
