all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
