You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
