yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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