I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
