Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize