You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
