is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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