Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
