when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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