I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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