shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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