as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize