my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
