How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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